Today I met that stupid Handmaid again. She averted her eyes immediately, as she should. She always goes through the correct routine, but she never seems fully respectful. There always seems to be a hint of irony in her eyes, as if she is laughing at me. Why is she laughing at me, is it because she thinks she's better than me? Is there some twisted, insane belief in her mind that she is worth more than I am? I hope not because if I felt the need I could send her to the Colonies in a second.

She would have to be replaced, but perhaps her replacement would have more of the proper respect.

Still, I need her, as much as it pains me to admit it. I need that little slut to bear the children that should be mine.

I suppose I have to resign myself to it.

Curse this stupid world for making me barren. Life could have been so much better...

But now Handmaids are an unwanted necessity. However as much as I need them, I will make sure that they never feel welcome, for they are trespassing on MY domain, and while I may give them a trinket or two, I will always make it abundantly clear that this is my home, and they have no rights.

My name is Serena Joy. Once, everybody would have known me, but now I don't know. I used to be so glamorous, always extravagantly made-up. Now I feel like a shadow, a wisp of what I once was. I'm so tired, all the time. There's simply nothing to do. I spend time in my garden, bending my short body down to the ground, but all I do is kill time. Sometimes I get ill, just to have something to do. All of the other Wives come to visit me. That's nice. I also sleep a lot, and when I sleep, I dream. I dream of having babies, my very own babies. I could get rid of that stupid Handmaid, who's only function seems to be to make me feel inferior. I could have my own babies, borne out of my own womb. But I wake up, and it's always only a dream. The trappings of ordinary life always seize me, throwing me back down into my unrelentingly boring life.